literature

SUPER Crack Puzzleshipping

Deviation Actions

ToraShadowFox's avatar
Published:
2.1K Views

Literature Text

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away... there was a man. Well, a boy. His name was Yugi Mutou. He lived in a time that was similar to Romeo and Juliet's. He was 16, and his parents made him be engaged to this really annoying chic named Anzu Mazaki. He didn't love her because she was, well, annoying as heck. Plus she had cooties, and a horrible case of Rhinoceros Pox. So one day, he went to a party with his bride-to-be. She ran off with some other girls, gossiping with them about the letter Q. They all started to swoon as they watched a boy. His name was Yami Sennen. A lot of girls had crushed on him because he was handsome and had amazing fingernails, but never bothered to get to know him. He was sick of it. He witnessed Yugi acting annoyed as the girl Anzu clung to him, and decided to approach him after she left.

"Hello," Yami said, "My name is Yami Sennen."
"I'm Yugi Mutou," Yugi responded. "By the way, my fiancée is drooling over you. Just thought I should let you know."
Yami shrugged, "Oh, yeah, people tend to do that. Hey, want to look like awkward weirdoes and dance together?"
Yugi grinned, "Yeah! Being an awkward weirdo is one of my favorite things to do!" So they went to the dance floor and began to dance the Macarena. A lot of people gave them funky looks, mostly because that dance hasn't been invented yet.

After their fantabulous dance, Yami and Yugi went out to a balcony to be alone. They talked about cheese less pizza, and then decided they had an attraction to each other.
Yami smiled, "Okay, I think I have a crush on you."
"Hey," Yugi said, "I like you, too! We should get to know each other better and get married one day!"
"Totally," Yami agreed, "But let's not do it yet. Because I have a friend who got married after like three days, and both he and his wife died."
"So, if we get married, we die?" Yugi asked.
"I think that's how it works, yeah," Yami nodded.
"Oh. Dying's not fun." Yugi said.
Yami nodded, "Yeah. I heard that, when you die, you NEVER MOVE AGAIN."
Yugi gasped, "Whoa! I had no idea!"
Yami nodded, "Yeah. I think that, actually, we only die if we keep it a secret. Because that's what they did. I'm not so sure."
"Hmmm," Yugi said, "Okay. I'm going to go call off my engagement with Anzu now, even though it's totally not in my place to." He walked off.
"Okay, have fun!" Yami waved, "Bring me back a souvenir!"

Yugi walked up to Anzu, "Hey Anzu I don't want to marry you. I'm going to go marry Yami soon, so can I have the ring back? Kaythanks, bai."
Anzu began to cry waterfalls, "FINE." She took off the ring and threw it at Yugi, the ring magnetically sticking to Yugi's eyebrow, then ran off to the balcony. She opened the door and ran past Yami, jumping off the edge of the balcony.
Yami watched her as she fell, finally hitting the ground. She was obviously dead. She then jumped up and ran off again.

Yugi walked to the balcony, consuming the ring whole, "Well that turned out better than I thought."
Yami raised an eyebrow, "What did you think would happen?"
"I thought she'd spontaneously combust into a pile of sparkles."
"Ah," Yami nodded, "Makes sense."
"Yep," Yugi nodded, "So, now what?"
"We could go eat some cake," Yami suggested.
"I do enjoy cake." Yugi agreed. So they ate cake.

As they ate, a really annoying blue-haired girl named Miho walked into the room. She gasped as she saw them and ran out. "Sir and Lady Mutou!" she called, getting Yugi's parent's attention.
"What is it?" asked Yugi's dad.
"I saw your son, Yugi, and Yami Sennen... eating cake together!!" Miho announced to them.
Yugi's mom paled, her voice coming out as a squeak, "C-cake??" she fainted onto a hairbrush.
Mr. Mutou let his wife fall to the ground but gasped, "Why are those two partaking in such scandalous actions?" He put one foot on his unconscious wife's side, posing dramatically, "WE MUST STOP THIS."

"Guards!" called Mr. Mutou, "Come with me! We must separate the two." They began to skip to where Yugi and Yami were eating their cake. Mrs. Mutou awoke and followed, fanning herself with her foot. Mr. Mutou spoke to Miho again, "Young lady, did you see what kind of cake they were eating?"
She nodded so hard she grew a mustache. Her eyes widened, "I did, sir. It was..." she lowered her voice, "chocolate cake."
There was another gasp as Mrs. Mutou fainted again, this time knocking over three guards as she did so.
Miho looked down, "Shouldn't you get your wife some medical attention or something?"
Mr. Mutou shrugged, "Naw, I'd rather not. Besides, this cake matter is much more important."

They stormed into the room, Mr. Mutou ordering the guards to take the cake.
The guard obeyed and the two teens gasped. "Give that back!" Yugi protested.
"No! Son, why are you doing this? You're engaged to Anzi Mazui!" Mr. Mutou yelled.
"Ah," a guard corrected, "Her name is Anzu Mazaki."
He shrugged, "Eh, whatever. She has money, that's all I know."
Yami raised his hand, "Uhm... I have money, too, you know. More than ten times the amount Anzu has."
Mr. Mutou's eyes widened, "Really? Yugi, change of plans. You're to marry this boy."
Yugi shrugged, "Cool, okay."

Yugi's mom walked into the room, rubbing her head, "Oh man... so much treachery..."
Yugi's dad smiled, "Great news! Yugi's getting married to Yami Sennen! He has lots more money!"
Unfortunately, they forgot that Yugi's mom was fond of Anzu, as they shared a similar interest: a love for shopping and the color chartreuse. Her eyes turned red and she morphed into a fire-breathing dragon with a pink skirt, growling, "NOOOOOO. I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN."
Mr. Mutou petted his wife's giant, scaly leg, "Oh honey... just think about how many purses we'll be able to buy for my-- er, YOUR... yeah, your-- collection!"
She roared at him and burned all his head off. He let out a sigh, "Well, time for a new wig. I'm going to get one." He left the room then poked his head back in, "Oh, right, also... don't let her eat you. Or step on you. Or blow fire at you. You'll die. Right. Have fun, then!"
Yugi's mom let out a roar and Yami took Yugi's hand, "Run, Yugi, ruuuuuun!"
"Hey, that was almost a movie reference," Yugi said.
"Yeah, that's fabulous, now let's GO!" Yami pulled Yugi as they ran around the small room like chickens with no heads. In fact, they were running WITH chickens with no heads. Yugi accidentally kicked one into a nearby pig, and accidentally started an all-out Chicken-Pig war.

The dragon blew fire at the two, destroying the room but missing the two boys completely.
As this occurred, Anzu appeared in the room in a puff of purple smoke and sparkles. "I'M HERE, BASK IN MEH GLORY~" she said. Mrs. Mutou looked at her, grinning in a reptilian way, "ANZU MAZAKI!! YOU'RE HERE! NOW, MARRY MY SON."
"Otay~" Anzu agreed.

"Why does your mom like Anzu so much?" asked Yami.
"Well... it's because they both like to shop, and the color chartreuse."
"What in the name of Duel Monsters is chartreuse?" Yami asked, utterly confused.
"What in the name of Duel Monsters is 'Duel Monsters'?" Yugi asked, also confused.
"Never mind. Now about the chartreuse...?" Yami went on.
Yugi gasped, "Oh, right! It's a funky greenish color."
"Really?"
"Yes, really. What did you think it was?"
"I was thinking it was a purple-pink."
"..."
"... Anyways, I have a plan," Yami continued
Anzu and Mrs. Mutou were planning a wedding in Atlantis, using chartreuse as the main theme color, when Yami yelled, "HEY, MRS. MUTOU!!"
She growled at him, "WHAT DO YOU WANT, YOU PATHETIC LITTLE RICH BOY?"
He smiled, "Well, I just wanted to tell you that I LOVEEE to shop, and I ADORE the color chartreuse! But, the thing that makes me different that Anzu is..."
Anzu gasped, "Don't you dare!"
Yami grinned, "I WEAR LEATHER PANTS."

Mrs. Mutou gasped happily, "The most powerful substance in all the universe! The awe-inspiring LEATHER PANTS."
She smiled, "You may now marry my son, but first..." she leaned down and ate Anzu whole. She burped, "Well, she wasn't tasty. At all. She kinda tastes like... failure. And annoyance. And... what's that last bit? Oh... OH it's disgusting!"
"I think that's the Mary-sue you're tasting," Yami offered.
"Yes... that MUST be it... oh, it's simply REVOLTING!"
She morphed back into a human, smiling.
Mr. Mutou walked back into the room, wearing a Mohawk wig, "Well, is everything better now?"
The three nodded, Yugi speaking, "Sure is."
"Great!" Yugi's dad grinned, "So, are you two going to get married now?"
"Sure, why not?" Yami shrugged. He held out his hand for Yugi, "Shall we go?"
Yugi took his hand, "Where are we going?" His face looked like this: o u o
Yami smirked, "You'll see." He put his fingers to his mouth and whistled loudly. Then, perched in the window was... A UNICORN.

"Yugi, this is Fredrickschmigerzkinnieson the fifth. But you can call him Fred."
Yugi waved at the sparking unicorn, "Hi, Fred!"
Fred let out a snort.
"NOW THEN," exclaimed Yami, helping Yugi on the unicorn before hopping on himself, "Let's go! TO THE MAGICAL LAND OF GUMMY RAINDROPS!" The unicorn jumped off the window sill and frolicked off through the sky, Yugi's parents waving from the window. "BYE, SON! BE SAFE! MAKE SURE NOT TO GET ON ANY UNICORN YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE!!" yelled Mrs. Mutou.
Then Yami and Yugi kissed romantically.
Fred didn't like the idea of people making out on his back to he did a flip and made them fall off.
They plummeted through the sky for about half a minute before Fred caught them again.
"Curse you, Fred," Yami glared.
THE END
The other two would be rated "4" on the scale of crack.
This is a... 7~8.

CRACK SCALE
-5 = Non-funny, everyone dies in a serious/depressing manner.
0 = Normal story
5 = "They rode off to Candyland after her head exploded into sparkles."
10 = This has no reason or logic. At all.

Written 7/11/11, edited a bit 7/11/11, edited more 7/12/11. |D

**BEWARE. THIS HAS CHARACTER -coughcoughAnzucougcough- DEATH**
© 2011 - 2024 ToraShadowFox
Comments50
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Yamie-Yuki425's avatar
Legit thought I was on some shit while reading this lmfao